Saturday, January 28, 2012

More Terrible 8th Grade Writing: Take Over the World Plot 2010

If you'll recall, last week, I did a short post about my terrible 8th grade story, Kirby vs. The Free Noobs, where I detailed exactly how I laughed out loud in hysterics when reading it out loud, because it was just so damn funny (to me). From what I gather, I'm alone in the fact that I love going back to my old writing every now and again and enjoying a good laugh. Most authors I've met are all "MY OLD WRITING SUCKS AND MAKES ME WANT TO DIE." Okay, maybe not that extreme; though most writers I've spoken to have thrown most of their old stuff away, and according to them, for good reason.

But come on; where's the fun in being a writer if you can't go back and laugh at how bad you used to be? Come on, I know that at least some of you wrote Twilight fan fiction before the movies came out and Twilight hate was rampant. I'm sure somebody wrote a freaking hilarious poem to their middle school crush. Come on, anybody? Nobody is going to raise their hand here? This saddens me; I had really wanted to start a weekly "Our Old Writing" kind of thing, where we all get together and post chunks of the worst of the worst. Nobody? Oh, okay.

Anyways, the following is the first "chapters" of something I attempted to write in about ~2006, and it is hilarious on so many levels. Why? Well, first and most obvious, it seems that I was typing on a machine that apparently lacked spell check - I left all the misspellings and errors in, just to add to the fun. (Note: I suspect most of these errors are more or less the product of the fact that my typing skills sucked then, and still suck today.) Also, I used to "draft" characters, which meant drafting names of my internet friends. That's why, despite the fact that everybody apparently knows each other, they're calling each other by their entire usernames. "Hey, what's up, Gleming123?" "Not much, Halo1991." Though really, the most striking hilarity of this story is the fact that most 8th graders know nothing about politics; this piece shows it. 

Also, the title of this monstrosity? Take Over the World Plot 2010.

"Good evening on this beautiful March 10th, I'm Motumbs here with the nine o'clock news,"
As Kirby was sitting in her chair brwsing her TV in search of somethnig to watch, she noticed something unusual on CNN.
"It is today that we announce a death, but not a sad one. No, tonight we announce that China is now formally a democracy. After many years, someone has managed to overthrow China's communist goverment. We now go live with China's new Emporer...Emporer Diricos,"
Kirby watched with intrest, it's not everyday that communist is once again overthrown. The TV told the story, and Kirby was fully engaged in it, as if it were a hypotizing weapon. It was sort of like a weird dream she once had. Then suddenly, jsut as the story got over, the phone rang. 
"Hey," It was her friend, Gleming123.
"Hey Glem, hey did you know China isn't a communist goverment anymore?"
"Nope, I assume there is nothing on TV?"
"Wanna go see a movie or someting?"
On March 10, 2007, noboy suspected that Emporer Diricos was up to anything suspicious. They thought of him as a hero, a savior, and "The Greatest Man Alive," For the most part, people thought China's communist days were over. Yes, they were, but a new, more terrible fate lie within the Chinese.
But let's move on.
"Ding Dong!" Kirby hopped out of her chair and answered the door.
"Hey Glem," She smiled.
"How are you?"
So Kirby got into Glem's car and they drove off toward the theater.
"Hey what movie do you wanna see?" Kirby asked.
"Dunno, how about that one movie about the guys who steal a lot of money and get busted for it?"
"Oh that one? I heard it wasn't all that good. How about a scary movie?"
"The one about the girl who got kidnapped, raped, and killed by a skeleton?" Glem suggested.
"You know, as dumb as it seems I heard it was really good, is that one fine with you?"
"Fine by me,"

Also, speaking of my old adventures as "Kirby Tails", I just found the coolest thing ever: a Kirby Tails pokemon card. It's the seemingly non-sequitur image at the top of this post. 

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