Wednesday, February 29, 2012

If Peggy Hill Self Published a Book

Frankly, I think that this concept would have made a great episode of "King of the Hill". What would happen if Peggy Hill wrote a book, let's say a full-length novel, and published it for sale on the internet? It's all speculative, of course, and considering the show ended a few years ago, we'll probably never actually know. But, let's have a little fun and make fun of the show's possibly most annoying character.

First off, let's briefly discuss her personality. For this post, I'm going to focus on her most obvious, usually plot-driving fault: she's a fantastic example of "The more you know, the more you know you don't know." In other words, she usually knows next to nothing, but she thinks she's an expert in whatever she tries. Ha ha. If you've never watched a single episode of "King of the Hill" and have no idea what I'm talking about, I recommend taking a look at any episode where she speaks Spanish. At the very least, get to where she says "Hola". Then you'll understand.

Now, let's take a look at the individual steps in this process, all from writing the book itself to the end results.

Writing the Book
Admittedly, I don't know Peggy Hill well enough to fathom a guess as to what specifically she might write about. But, I bet you anything that she has a Spanish speaking character. For the sake of humor in this post, let's assume that she does. And, because her Spanish is so immaculate, she of course writes all the Spanish lines in herself.

Also, because she tends to feel confident in her abilities, let's also assume that she does one draft before she feels ready to publish.

Querying the Editors
Even though self-publishing is prominent today, Hank and Peggy always seemed a bit behind in the times. Thus, they're probably mostly unaware of the state of self publishing today. So, more than likely, Peggy attempts the traditional route first, and after getting rejected countless times, a plot device will come along and suggest self-publishing. Also, despite numerous comments, she probably has no idea why her books were rejected in the first place - perhaps she thinks editors do not have good taste.

Designing the Cover
Unfortunate for all of us, the saying "Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover" is advice that almost nobody heeds. Covers need to be good, and for our purposes, Peggy Hill understands this to a point. In terms of cover design, I can see this going one of two ways.

  1. Against Hank's best judgement, Peggy Hill hires the best and most expensive designer she can find and pays through the nose for her cover. Bonus points if the cover artist turns out to be Arlen's most notorious scam artist.
  2. She makes the cover herself. Naturally, it turns out awful, though Peggy sees it as a product of her genius.
Putting it Online
Surely, even Peggy Hill couldn't mess this step up. Though I could see her hiring one of those "ebook formatters".

Pricing the Work of Genius
$9.99 minimum, for the ebook.

Self Promotion
Like many author's, Peggy's first instinct is probably to tell everybody she knows - friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. She'll probably actually create a bit of a buss around Arlen, just because it's a small town and she put herself out there. Of course, she likely will not self-promote much beyond this. Tell me, can you see Peggy Hill successfully using Twitter and Facebook?

Book Signing
Perhaps she'll even get lucky, and she'll end up with her own book reading/signing. If anybody in Arlen hasn't noticed her Spanish by now, it will surely be noticed here, during her big moment.

Peggy will probably end up begging Hank to leave glowing reviews, even though he most likely has not read the book. He'll refuse due to the unethical grounds. Dale will become jealous of her "success" because he hasn't finished his own autobiography yet, if ever. Kahn will buy it just to laugh at the "Redneck Writing", and 

1 comment:

  1. Luanne Platter would probably go with the consensus but then suddenly think for herself, divorce Elroy and stab the book with a fork.